


Can't Get Enough

by TheGayestCat (NanamiYukari)



Category: Death Note
Genre: Cutting, Drugs, F/M, Fights, FtM Mail Jeevas, FtM Matt, Gay, Gay Sex, Guns, KonekoCosplay influenced, M/M, Mello protection squad, Near is a jerk, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Smoking, Some BDSM, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Triggers, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:06:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7188215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanamiYukari/pseuds/TheGayestCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mello lives a pretty shitty life. He's at a school for the gifted where he lives everyday being treated horribly by other students. With his severe anxiety and poor attitude he struggles to get through his life. Until he meets Mail Jeevas. This interesting boy opens him up and he slowly falls for the freckled smoker. Matt and Mello go through their high school years together with interesting events none the less.<br/>(Shitty summary its good I promise)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Get Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I swear this is good I just suck at writing. Based on my own life along with a lot of influence from KonekoCosplay - Kai and KT are my fucking muses and I look up to them ^^

**_5/31/16_ **   
_So here I am again. Trying to write out my problems to calm myself down. Again. I just can’t get my mind off of it. It’s hard enough dealing with being tormented all day, but having the weight of the memory. The skin between my teeth… the thought of the taste makes me shudder, and not in the good way. I can still feel the soreness of my throat, the tug of my hair. Sometimes I think I’m there and I can’t walk because of my ass. I swear there was blood I was practically being split in two. Near makes it all a million times worse with his daily comments. Sometimes I think about actually killing myself so I can say now are you fucking happy? That’s no way to escape though..plus that's just giving him the last laugh I guess. That’s not particularly how I want it to go-_

“Fuck you Near god fucking dammit!” I shouted as my laptop hit the ground. The white haired dipshit giggled and walked off with a shitty smirk on his face. Near had knocked my laptop onto the ground by ‘accident’. I picked it up to see half of the screen was black. Great, now I had to stay after and go to tech and have them fix it. I closed it and tucked in under my arm. I grabbed my messenger bag and headed off to last period.  
Well, I’m Mihael Kheel, course everyone here calls me Mello… there’s not much to me. I got sent to a boarding school for orphans with special talent. I’m majoring in legal. It’s not really my thing because screw the government ya know? But it was the only thing I really liked.  
That fucking albino kid with the bags under his eyes, that’s Nate River, or Near as we call him. He’s in my fucking major and it sucks ass. His favorite activity is to bug the shit out of me. It’s just great. Note the sarcasm.   
Anyways, I have blonde and blue hair, I wear a lot of leather skinny jeans and band shirts.  
Hot Topic is my homeland if you can’t tell by now. I have a nose piercing with a little gem. I wear just a bit of black liner on my waterline which without a doubt, took years of perfecting.  
Now, right before you guess, no I’m not a girl. I’m a boy thank you very fucking much. And I’m not gay. I’m bi but to everyone else’s knowledge, I’m straight and I’d personally like to keep it that way and not give Near another thing to give me shit for. Most of all though I’m pretty lame to be honest. I don’t have any friends but who needs them really? In a shitty world like this, having friends only drags you down.  
Now I gotta focus on class. The only thing good about me is my smarts and I’d like to keep it that way if I could.

-

I stood outside the tech room after school, pacing back and forth anxiously. What if I interrupt them? Or they all stare at me and laugh? What if Near is in there?? Why would he, I have no idea but you never know! The anxiety in me swelled my heart and it was on the verge of exploding. I took deep slow breaths in attempt to calm myself and avoid having a panic attack. I’d rather not break down in school and have to hear about it tomorrow. Near would make it especially worse.   
My thoughts were interrupted when a tech student noticed and said, “Hey, come on in. We don’t bite!” I froze and bit my lip. I slowly pushed the door open the rest of the way and walked in. There was four of them, one was a red head with the side of his head shaved. Freckles sprinkled his cheeks and neck, and he licked at his lip ring. There was a bullring in his septum and he had black gauges that were probably zeros. The others were busy moving around and I couldn’t get a clear look at them to describe them enough. “What can I help you with?” The redhead asked smiling.  
I gave a nod and pulled my laptop out of my bag. “Uh yeah my laptop fell and half of the screen is broken.” I said passing it to him. He opened it up and watched it start up.  
“Ah, alright the inside of it’s broken.” He said and put it aside and started rummaging around and pulling a case. “This will take a while, want me to just get it back to you tomorrow?” I nodded and he gave me another smile. “My name’s Matt by the way.”   
“Mine’s Mello.” I said nervously. “Do you want me to pay you?”   
“Yeah with your ass.” He said smirking.   
My face reddened and I muttered, “I-I’m not gay..”  
“Sure you aren’t.” He said smirking. “I’m just kidding, it’s a shame though. You’re pretty cute.” A blush spread across my cheeks and I became flustered.  
“T-Thanks…? W-Well… I better get going uh… thanks again..” I said nervously. He nodded and flashed another smile.  
“No problem pretty boy.” He said winking and biting his bottom lip. I whimpered a little internally, a little scared of him to be honest. I started to head out and I could feel his eyes on me.  
What a weird kid.

-

“Hey Mello.” Near spoke with a sly smirk. “Doesn’t that leather make you look like a girl?” I rolled my eyes and picked up my bag to leave. He got in my way. “You should really think about eating more Mello. You’re all skin and bones, no muscle or fat.” He said poking at my bare arms causing me to flinch. “No one will ever love you like that.”  
I could feel rage build up and I shoved him out of the way and dashed out of the room. I fucking hate that kid so much! I don’t even know what I did to him. I have no idea what I did to deserve any of this. I ran out of the school, no turning back. I can’t do the rest of the day. I’ve done nothing wrong ever, I’ve just tried to survive and all I’ve gotten was a dick down my throat, a cock up my ass, and ridiculed every day since I fucking arrived at this fucking school.  
My thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.  
“Mello!” I only sped up, I could feel tears start to prick the corner of my eyes and I could feel a lump in my throat. “Mello! Wait up!” I finally turned around with tears starting to fall from my eyes.  
“What.” I snapped. He visibly flinched and I bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing. He pulled the laptop out of his bag after staring for a moment.  
“I-I fixed your laptop.” He said nervously. I took it with two hands and put it in my bag.   
“Thanks.” I said wiping my eyes.  
“Are you okay?” He asked a little nervous. I gave him a look and he sighed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of Marlboro Reds and a white lighter. He lit a fag between his lips and held the box out to me.  
“No thanks.” I said. He put the box back in his pocket and looked at me.  
“Talk to me.”  
“About what? You’re not my fucking therapist.” I said rolling my eyes at him. He sighed and smoke fell from his lips.  
“Yeah but talking to someone helps. Even if it’s just a complete stranger.” He said sighing. I nodded softly and ran a hand through my hair.  
“Someone’s making my life a living hell.” I said and watched him smoke the cigarette.   
He snickered a little, “Don’t we all have that?” He said. I shrugged and nodded.  
“I guess. But it’s not just that.” I said softly and looking up at him through my bangs. He watched me while taking a long drag. “It’s personal though..” I mumbled.  
“You can trust me.” He said smiling. “I won’t tell a soul Mello. Pinky promise.” He said holding his pinky finger out from the long black sleeves of his hoodie.   
“I dunno..trust isn’t something I have too much of anymore…” I said trailing off.  
“What would a lonely tech kid get from talking to a cute blonde about his problems?” He said sighing. I let out a deep sigh and wrapped my pinky around his and bit my lip. He nodded and we both pulled away. He took another drag, “Well, vent away.”  
“I’m a whore. What can I say?” I said shrugging. “I’ve been used sexually and didn’t like it and still don’t.”   
“Rape?” he inquired biting his lip.  
“Yeah… though I hate to say it.” I replied and brushed my bangs out of my eyes.  
“I mean… besides the trauma what’s bothering you?” He said and threw his cigarette on the ground and crushed it underneath his boot.  
“This kid told me no one’s gonna love me. And I’m starting to think he’s right.” I said with my head and voice low.  
“That’s a load a bull. ‘Course someone’s gonna love you!!” He said grabbing my arm. “Everyone is loved.” I stared at him for a moment, now that he was closer I got a closer look. He had feminine features, compared to me who even with my long hair could pass as a guy. He doesn’t quite but I can tell he’s a guy by the way he looks and acts. His rounder face, his soft cheek bones, and button nose with the little silver hoop hanging from it. I tore my eyes away from him and said,  
“Cute, what did you get that off? The front page of tumblr?” I joked rolling my eyes.   
“No, I mean you just haven’t found your people yet.” He said shrugging. He let go of my hand and then stepped in front of me. “Mello, you seem really cool, seriously. Maybe we can be friends?”  
“Maybe.” I said sighing.   
“Give me a chance. I’m easy.” He said smiling. I shrugged and gave him a nod.  
“Alright…” I mumbled and continued my way back to my dorm.  
“Wait you're not going to finish the day?” He asked following.   
“No. Why? Wanna skip with me?” I asked smirking. He smiled and went back by my side.   
“Why not?” I rolled my eyes and smiled.  
“Well I’m gonna head out to my dorm so if you wanna come with have fun.” I said. He nodded and continued to follow me along. I noticed him itching at his wrists and and thighs a bit but pushed it aside. Just a random observation. He pulled out a new cigarette on the way and lit it between his lips. The smoke traveled from him to me and I could smell the strong tobacco and feel the strong burn of the nicotine. I didn’t mind the smell really. It kinda suits him anyways. From now on I’d associate the smell of Marlboro Reds with Mail Jeevas.

Once we reached my dorm, he put out his cigarette before entering. My black bed was neatly set up, and the white walls were adorned with posters and pictures. My room was clean for the most part, besides the pile of laundry in the corner that still needed to be folded and put away. I set my newly fixed laptop down on my desk and smiled.  
“Your room is really nice.” He said looking around and taking his timberlands off and setting them by the door. He slowly sat down on my bed and continued to glance around.   
“Thanks.” I said and plopped down on the bed next to him, causing him to bounce a little. He scratched at his wrists again and I laid down, fiddling with the cross on my choker. He noticed and spoke up.  
“You Christian or something?” He asked laying down on his side next to me.  
“Yeah. Sorta agnostic though. Not really sure what to believe anymore.” I said shrugging.  
“I used to be Jewish. I mean, I still am ethnically, but I’m an atheist now.” He said. “I’d like to believe there’s something I can put my faith in but I dunno..I just don’t.” I nodded, taking in his words and looking back up at the ceiling. He watched me, still lying on his side.  
“Why are you so interesting?” He asked smiling and a cocky smirk spread across his face.  
“I’m really not.” I replied shrugging and turning onto my side to face him.   
“Yeah you are.” He said smiling. He scratched at his wrist again and I noticed how red it was. He saw me staring and pulled his sleeves down more.   
“Got poison ivy or something?” I asked sneering and he shook his head and sat up. “Then what’s with the scratching?” He sighed and then turned back to me and I sat up too. He fiddled with his oversized sleeves and said,   
“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” And glanced up at me through his ginger lashes. I was confused, not understanding what was so secretive. I nodded, slightly confused still. He sighed and began to roll up his sleeves to his elbows and then very slowly turned his wrists over while keeping his eyes closed.   
My eyes widened at his forearms. Red slashes covered them from wrist to elbow. His skin, red and irritated from scratching at the thin lines. I carefully took his arm in my hand and he shook a little bit. He watched carefully as I ghosted my black nails along the cuts and I noticed his breath hitch slightly.   
“Why.” I asked quietly, in almost a whisper. He shrugged and wet his lips.   
“I have my reasons.” He mumbled back and pulled his arms away, covering them back up. I looked up and my eyes met his.  
“Matt…” I started not even knowing what to really say. I wanted to hug him, but didn’t wanna be too gay or something.   
“Don’t get like that on me Mells. Shit happens and we all find a way to deal with it. Sometimes we just don’t do it in a healthy way.” He explained and took off his sweat shirt. I noticed on his left shoulder was a tattoo of a power button. He must have noticed me staring because then he smiled and said, “Like it? I got it a while ago. Had some kid with a tattoo gun do it.” I nodded and then moved my gaze back down to his arms and frowned.  
“You seem so happy.” I said sighing.  
“Yeah..I know.” He said softly. “But there’s still a lot you don’t know about me.” He said laughing a little.  
“And there’s a lot you don’t know about me.” I said back with a sly smirk.   
“Oh I already know you’re a closeted homosexual.” He said laughing.  
“I am not!” I snapped back.  
“Oh please I’ve seen you looking at me.” He said rolling his eyes and then leaning in close to me. “I know you’ve got a thing for me.”  
“Okay yeah you’re attractive but I never said I had a thing for you.” I said with a slight uneasiness in my voice.   
“You’re unsure.” He said softly, “I’m not trying to pull something. If you’re scared of getting shit for being gay it’s alright. I’m pan and people give me shit sometimes but I just ignore it and keep going. If someone tries to give you shit just send them my way.” He gave me a toothy grin and put a hand on my bare shoulder causing me to flinch.  
I bit my lip and sighed. “Okay… so I’m bi. But I never said I had a thing for you!” I snapped and I could feel my face heat up.  
“Not yet at least.” He said giving me a wink and sticking his tongue out. I rolled my eyes and gave him a gentle shove to knock him off the bed, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me down with him. I ended up on the wood floor, lying on top of Matt. I slowly sat up on his lap. And he remained down with his back against the wood floor.  
“Come on Mells. Give Mattie a kiss.” He teased and sat up, leaning on his elbows. I growled at him in my frustration.  
“Fine I’ll give Mattie a fucking kiss.” I said sneering and grabbing his face and roughly slamming my lips into his. He was taken aback by this and looked a little shocked when I started to pull away. Suddenly, there was a fist gripping my hair and he pulled me back in and returned the rough kiss. Our poor skills causing our teeth to clash together and he nipped at my bottom lip lightly. I moved my shaky hands onto his hips and pulled them up against me as he bit at my lip. Next thing I knew our tongues were sliding against each other and soft moans were falling from our mouths. Eventually we both pulled away, gasping for air. I fell backwards onto the wood floor and panted softly.   
“Fuck..” I heard him mutter as he slowly sat up. I nodded in silent agreement and slowly sat back up. “Well Mells, only one thing left - wanna go out with me?” He asked smiling with a soft, out of breath laugh.  
“Why the fuck not? Sure.” I said sighing. His face lit up with a smile and he bit his lip.  
“Great, cool well uh, I gotta get going. Have class still and I can’t miss too many hours. I’d love to skip with you again though.” He said getting up and grabbing his sweat shirt. I nodded softly and stood back up, dusting the invisible dirt off my leather pants.  
He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and said, “See you later beautiful.” and gave me a wink. I rolled my eyes at him and smiled.  
“See you nerd.” I said and he gave me a playful smirk back before leaving my dorm room. I stripped out of my leather and grabbed a pair of black boxer briefs and put those on, and stayed in my black tank top. I sighed softly and laid down on my bed. I had no idea what I had just done, what I had just gotten myself into. Expect the unexpected I guess. Making out with a red head from tech was definitely not the expected whatsoever. I turned over and smelt his scent in my comforter. The smell of cigarettes would forever be etched into my bed. I didn’t mind it, it was comforting.  
So comforting that I ended up falling asleep.  
Only to be woken up by a constant tapping on glass.  
I slowly rose out of bed, and dragged myself up and to the window to examine whatever the hell was happening. It was dark out I noticed as I peered through the window. Suddenly a pebble came flying at my face and I jumped. My heart pounded from the shock and I flung my window open to see a familiar face staring back. On the ground, hiding below my windowsill was Matt. He had on orange and silver goggles and had a cigarette lit between his lips. He had on sweatpants and oversized t shirt.   
“Hallo.” He said smiling and plucking the cigarette from his thin lips.  
“Hello Mail.” I said rolling my eyes and stepping away so he could come in.  
“Hello Mihael.” He said laughing a little. “I know your first name too.” I rolled my eyes. Again and he climbed in through the window, careful to step over my desk.  
“So what are you doing here genius?” I asked sitting on my bed and watching as he closed the window and drew the shades, only leaving us with the dim light of my bedside lamp. “If you want sex you’re not getting it.” I said shrugging.  
“No, I’m just here to cuddle.” He said smiling.  
“Cuddle?” I questioned with a puzzled and almost slightly disgusted tone.  
“Yeah, you know. Your arms around my waist and mine around you and we just lay there like that.” He explained smiling nervously.  
“Alright, but no funny business!” I said and crawled back into bed and got under the blankets. He smiled and crawled into bed slowly and cuddled up close to me. He buried his face into my chest and I draped my arm over his waist. I could feel him smile and rested my head on his. I breathed in the scent of cigarettes and cinnamon. I smiled and felt his hair tickle my skin, but not in an uncomfortable or annoying way. I was nice, almost soothing.   
“Mello, do you ever wish you looked a different way?” He asked softly.  
“I mean I think we all do.” I replied quietly, a little curious at his reasoning for such an odd question.  
“No I mean...never mind let’s just sleep…” He mumbled and let out a sigh. I gave a soft nod and held him closer like he was a pillow, and intertwined my legs with his. I felt the dip of his waist and the curve up to his hips that were significantly larger than his small waist. He was curvy for a guy, maybe even curvy for a woman but I never really payed attention to smaller details like this so I wouldn’t know. I smiled and ran my hands down his curvy thighs that were thicker than my skinny legs but I didn’t mind. He flinched a little and I moved my hand back to the dip of his waist and he relaxed. I guess he doesn’t like being touched much. He nuzzled in closer to my chest and let out another deep sigh. He really was cuddly like a teddy bear. A redhead teddy bear that smelt like cinnamon and cigarettes.

-

I awoke the next morning with the redhead still in my arms. “Mattie.” I whispered to him and he let out a soft whine.  
“No..” He mumbled and turned over.  
“Matt get up. We have school dipshit.” I said still have asleep and slowly sat up.  
“Mello it’s a saturday.” He mumbled and pulled me back into bed. I glanced over at my calendar. It really was a saturday. I laid back down and sighed softly. “This is nice.” He said smiling and snuggling up to me. I smiled at him and nodded in agreement.  
“Yeah...it is.” I said and shifted a little in my spot. He tilted his head up and laid a soft kiss on my jawline. “How did we end up here.” I said staring up at the ceiling.  
“What do you mean?” He asked glancing up at me.  
“I didn’t even know who you were three days ago.” I said giving a soft laugh.  
“Crazy things happen Mells. Expect the unexpected.” He replied and sat up slowly and stretched.  
Mail Jeevas really was the unexpected.

**Author's Note:**

> That was horrible I am so sorry you can kill me now


End file.
